No Regrets

This has always been on my mind, and the story sums it all.
The Warrior knows an old saying : "If regrets could kill."
And he knows that regrets can kill; they slowly eat away at the soul of someone who has done something wrong and they lead eventually to self-destruction. The Warrior does not want to die like that. When he acts perversely or maliciously - because he is a man of many faults - he is never too ashamed to ask forgiveness. If possible, he does his best to repair the wrong he has done. If the injured party is dead, then he does some good turn to a stranger and offers up that deed to the soul that he wounded. A Warrior of the Light has no regrets, because regrets can kill. He humbles himself and undoes the wrong he has done.
Paulo Coelho's The Warrior of The Light

Remember

Fate isn’t kind to lovers
Time isn’t kind to lovers
It breaks the hardest heart
Promise me you’ll remember how good we are
Why do I find sadness under your sweet kiss?
Destiny seems to whisper it won’t stay like this
Whenever we’re together I feel time standing still
I only know I love you and I’ll always will
If we should lose each other
Somewhere inside the door
Promise me you’ll remember how good we are
Promise Me You’ll Remember (How Good We Are) by Harry Connick Jr.
Somehow it reminds me that as time goes by, people will forget all bad memories in their previous relationships. Or rather, the hurt is no longer there. Just good memories worth to be remembered. Well, people love to remember good things only and usually they don't want to be reminded of bad relationships. I think it's good for people to just remember about the good old days and forget about bad memories of the past. There's no use of thinking of bad memories when the person is no longer has a place in your heart.

Todo Sobre Mi Madre

Everyone has lovely and sad stories about their relationship with their mums. I'm not close to my mum although I tell her everything, I still think that it's what a child should do, to talk to her, to keep in touch. I used to always had a hard time with my mum. During my adolescence time we'd have endless arguments and raws and we wouldn't talk to each other for days until my father came as the one who begged us not to keep this 'silent war' anymore. But usually, it was me who raised the white flag first. I just couldn't stand her ignoring me! Me and my mum are stubborn, it's obvious that I inherit that from her. I always think leaving home brings a good thing into our relationship : We stop arguing. Because I'm not close to my mum, I wonder what it is like. Ever since I was a child she was always against what I want. I still remember the sadness and disappointment I felt when she said NO to ballet and piano lessons I wanted to take. I think ballet and piano lessons are good to develop child's creativity and sense of art. Instead of letting my parents tell me what lessons I should take, I told them what I thought good for myself. But my mum never thought that it was for the benefit of myself. Could she rejected it for the benefit of herself? I could only wonder... Until now, she still thinks she knows what's best for me. And I still try my best to make her understand that what I really want is going to bring me some good. Maybe she's being (too) protective. I know she means good, but somehow it's you yourself who knows what's best for you. When I told her I wanted to learn Dutch she against it at first. It's only after I told her, "Mum, I'm going to be the only person in our big family who could speak Dutch, aren't you going to be proud of that?" then she said OK. It's true, I want her to be proud of me, I want it so bad. Although I can't understand her and I'm sure she doesn't understand me well either, I still love her. It's never easy being a mum, that's what I have to understand. She may be hard to please or nags about useless things but she's loving and caring, cooks delicious food, says a lot of "No" to me, etc, etc, etc, but most of all, she's my mum. I only know one mum and I couldn't ask for more.

Thank You

I want to say thank you to all my friends who were there for me during my darkest time and for encouraging me not to give up easily, to inspire me, to make me back on my feet again, thank you thank you so much for all those wonderful encouragements you all gave to me. Maudy, Kimberly, Nita, Ici, Dave and Jamur thanks for making me feel that I'm loved. I love you all too :) Anyways, I just want to tell that I'm fine right now, I'm not sad anymore thanks to you all and that I learnt one important thing today. It's not to give up hoping and believing that God will always help you. During my darkest time I had doubts on Him but I tried to get rid of it and today it has proven to me that it's so beautiful to put your hopes on God cos I thought I was falling but I wasn't cos for all these time He's still holding me. I screwed up my finance exam, coming out of the exam room I kept thinking that I might get D. I've known all my exam result but this one. And today when I look at the result I jumped for joy! I got B! At the moment when I felt He had left me, it turned out that He never go anywhere. "When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you." I'm so blessed to have Him and to have all of you as my friends! THANK YOU SO MUCH. So what if it takes me another year to graduate? I shall not be afraid, right?

The Long and Winding Road

I'm whining, everyone. You know that you can't see your future, it's the same as you don't always get what you want. With lots of thing that have happened to me lately I wonder what is God's plan for me. I always face difficulties in having things I want. Even a good GPA. But I can't blame Him because I always believe that 'you're going to reap just what you sow.' Nice words, eh? Try to say it by singing it like Lou Reed. You're going to reap just what you sow. Okay. But if I've always tried harder and always fail, then something must have been wrong! What's wrong with me? Why I can't always get what I want? All of my life I've tried to make my parents proud of me and till this day I still fail to do that. All of my life I've tried to be proud of myself but it is always disappointment that I feel for myself. They say wishes do come true...I do believe in that. I just can't believe that I always fail to fulfil my dream. Most of my friends are doing their final year assignment but I still haven't start my seminar yet. Most of my friends got permanent jobs already and I'm still left here dreaming about my future job, thinking and worrying about my future. It's just...sad...to know that you can't have what you always want, even though it's for your own good. I know it's just a phase that I have to go through everytime I fail to achieve what I really want. I'll get over it and start all over again. But I do often wonder, how far is the road I have to take?

Thicker than Water

I watched Godfather today. Blimey, that movie is a long one, I almost got bored in certain parts! But I like that movie, it shows the strong bond between family members. When I was a teenager I hung out with my friends a lot and my mother didn't like it, she said I should have spent my time with my family instead of hanging out with friends all the time. I used to ignore this, it was later that I realized that friends may come and go, but your family sticks with you for always. When you're not loved by anybody in this world, your family would still guarantee you that you're loved by them. Being raised in a big chinese family has taught me a lot of things. The important ones are : I must have beautiful manners, because well-mannered girl is the result of good upbringing from a good family. Except for God, you should put your family above all else. Don't bring shame on your family, that's what my parents always tell me. You can do anything you want, just don't ever make your family 'the talk of the town'. And another important thing is from my favorite line in Godfather : "You don't take sides against your own family." Love your family although you can't choose yours.

Tuesday Lobsang Rampa, a Tibetan Lama says in his book The Third Eye : "There are some foreigners who mock us because they’re blinded by their own beliefs and can’t see other’s belief from different views. Some people even called us ‘evil’ because our teachings are different to theirs." He made a point. 20 years later after this book was published, people still judge other's belief as something bad or evil, and think that their belief is something superior. There's nothing wrong with being proud of your belief but one has to look that he/she doesn't live alone in this world and other people may have different belief to he/she. It's called toleration. Since I was a child I've been taught about toleration between believers. And growing up, it helps me to appreciate other people's belief in today's world with its wars and issues between countries, between races, and between religions. Other's beliefs are different to yours, you know that clearly so you shall not use your belief to make other beliefs as something evil. You can't look at someone else's belief from your own perspective, you can't judge them based on your belief. Some may seem strange to you, like Buddhism, they believe in gods and reincarnation that we Christian don't but their beliefs are not for you to judge. When I am faced with the teachings of different religions to mine, I restraint myself from mocking them and try to appreciate them. Though I may not understand other believers' beliefs and teachings, I understand the importance of toleration and respect. You may have different opinion, you may not like it, but you can't go around telling people about it.